When I was a kid, video games and cartoons and television existed in a marvelous synergy.
It was a time when Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers ruled the world. Not only were there toys for every TV show, there were licensed games to play along with that property. If a show was popular enough you had damn well better believe that some developer created a side-scrolling platformer or beat ‘em up to rid kids of money and have a present for parents to put under the tree. I reveled in the absurdist humor of Ren & Stimpy and Beavis & Butthead so it was a delight when games for those series released. Of course, they ultimately were disappointments but their absurd difficulty and my childish wonder extended interest well beyond the natural breaking point. Let’s be honest, a lot of licensed games were terrible and only a few managed to be of any commendable quality.
Despite it being 2017, Cartoon Network: Battle Crashers is a game constructed of 30-year-old flaws. Though it may not entirely disrespect the source material that inspired it, the lifeless presentation and repetitive gameplay make it a game best avoided. The game begins with character Uncle Grandpa crashing through the dimensions of other popular Cartoon Network properties Adventure Time, The Amazing World of Gumball, Clarence, Regular Show, Steven Universe, and Uncle Grandpa. It’s a premise rife with possibilities of filling a game with a wide range of characters from some of Cartoon Network’s most absurd and unique shows. These are the kinds of properties a developer would gladly embrace. Colorful cartoons that have mainstream appeal with both kids and adults? Easy sell.
Unfortunately it seems as if developer Magic Pockets hoped to sell copies based on brand association alone. From beginning to end, Battle Crashers is devoid of the personality which makes these cartoons loved by the masses. The opening cinematic uses none of the voice-overs that breathe life into these characters and that continues throughout the campaign. Mild joy can be found when brawling through cartoon worlds as Finn and Jake. Environments and characters are colorful enough to mimic how they look in their 15 to 30 minute bursts on TV. But as believable as the visuals are, it all feels so hollow. Without the familiar voices and with barely any recognizable sounds and music, Battle Crashers manages to make these Cartoon Network properties lifeless.
In fact, the gameplay manages to strip the experience of almost any enjoyment one could have by wreaking havoc as a cartoon network character. Like many of the popular and infamous licensed games of the NES/SNES/Genesis era, Battle Crashers is a beat ‘em up. Players constantly move to the right of the screen, mashing buttons to defeat enemies before getting to a final boss. In the early 90’s it was easy to excuse the simplicity of beat ‘em ups. It was easier for console hardware to give players a pixelated version of their favorite characters in the best detail. A few button combos replaced complex mechanics and upgrade systems.
Combat in Battle Crashers is almost as barebones as some of the oldest superhero and Ninja Turtles games I have in my library. Each character has one basic attack and, after leveling up by collecting gems and crystals, can become stronger and gain a super move and another attack or weapon. The game starts with Clarence who has a pathetically weak short range attack and then moves to Gumball with a similarly weak and short vacuum blast. Into the first stage of the first level I had unlocked nearly every character in the roster (there are four individual characters and the two teams of Finn and Jake and Rigby and Mordecai). Finn and Jake are so strong that they killed most enemies in a couple of hits. I never turned back because they felt unbeatable. Battle Crashers attempts to inject variety into its gameplay by giving a few characters an additional purpose. Gumball can use his vacuum to eliminate blasts of poison gas that rise from the ground while Steven can use his basic attack to break enemy shields. It’s an okay effort to make sure no characters is left alone. Again, though, I plowed through with Finn and Jake. After a few hits enemy shields break without Steven’s attack and players get enough health pick-ups that dying is rarely a problem. Game over is nearly impossible to obtain when every single playable character must die for that to happen.
Enemies are completely forgettable, even when it comes to the bosses. With only normal difficulty being unlocked initially, more experienced gamers will have no problem tanking hits and slogging through the end of each stage. After the first few levels I had only seen about ten enemies, which is no excuse for a game incorporating so many properties packed with hundreds of unique characters. Stages themselves offered rare spots of difficulty only when various types of enemies and hazards came on screen. It would have been preferable to allow all four difficulty modes from the onset but it’s obvious this was a way to extract as much mileage out of the game as possible.
Rather than offering players a deep game that respects Cartoon Network, Magic Pockets decided it would be better to pad an already short game with tedious backtracking. After beating my first boss and moving deep into level 2-1, I was informed by one character that a map to the rest of the level was found in the previous level. I then proceeded back to level 1-1 which now contained poisoned and fire enemies. A new path had opened up where I was given a map and forced to beat the rest of the stage. Then I had to play through level 2-1 again in its entirety to progress in the game. At no point in my first run of the first stage was the path with the map available.
The game forces you to backtrack just for the sake of it. I would say it was a confusing design decision if not for the fact that it’s obviously just a way to artificially extend the length of an already short game. Local cooperative play is available for up to four players if you want to drag some friends in. The absence of online matchmaking comes as little surprise considering the effort that was put into the game overall. One might argue that Cartoon Network: Battle Crashers was designed with kids in mind. The simplistic controls and use of the current hot Cartoon Network properties might make the game an easy sell for younger gamers, especially at a $30 price tag. Beat ‘em ups can provide a lot of mindless fun but even kids aren’t going to be fooled by the amount of emptiness here. I would say that adding a few other properties like Johnny Bravo, Dexter’s Laboratory, and Powerpuff Girls would have given the game a bit more enjoyment, but it likely would have been more dead weight on a heartbreakingly bad effort. Cartoon Network: Battle Crashers had potential. Unfortunately it was all wasted.
Reviewed for PS4
Contributed by Ben Sheene