One of my dreams, the oldest one actually, is to be a writer. However, even though it is my dream, I am not that great at it. A shoutout to Grammarly for your contributions!
To catch you up on my backstory, check out this EMS WORLD article here.
I have been a struggling writer for a long time it seems. Just taking freelance job after freelance job, while running BioGamer Girl and working a full-time job. No one has ever really been like "WOW! We want you!" when it comes to my writing. (Insert sad emoji here). Hey Rick and Morty showrunners -- CALL ME! (canned laughter)
But let's get to the point, I am losing your attention, RIGHT?! Well, I have watched the Impractical Jokers since the start. They are inspirational, funny and if they do write all their own stuff, then they are some of the best writers in the world! Well next to the writers on Rick and Morty! (second shout out now)
Get Schwifty! HIRE ME MURR!
Well every time IJ would come on -- I'd always ask myself -- could I EVER DO THAT! The stunts and jokes on the show are so embarrassing, with the chance to be hurtful to those not knowing what the show is about. People have said I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I have always had a fear of public speaking. Yet my other dreams in life are to be a stand-up comic, writer for a comedy show, or....dum...dum...dum... an IMPROV ACTOR on a skit show! I love comedy. I think it is the best medicine. Especially when you can't get out of bed for weeks at a time, like me.
I am currently out of work. For the jobs I apply for or do get interviews for, I never get a callback. I am usually too qualified I am told, when I do. The last one I applied for, before getting sick again, was to take pictures of cars at a dealership for their posts online for 20 hours a week at $8 an hour. I was more than qualified. But they called to tell me they picked someone else. It was devasting. I was willing to do anything because I need health insurance! Just my blood-thinner is close to $500 a month to just keep breathing and living. I recently got sick and don't know what is wrong this time and lay in bed crying most days from the pain.
I got off point again. I would usually edit this for quicker reading and to be more entertaining. But I got a long story to tell. Well, last night I attended STAND UP LIVE with JAMES MURRAY. I developed a character for a skit to get his attention. And it was basically my job interview. I dressed up, which hardly do now, put on the fake designer stuff I bought off ETSY, and headed that way. I got there at 12:50 PM with a show start time of close to 4 PM. It was like waiting for the teacher to call on you to answer. I was nervous; I didn't even know what I was going to do yet. My character was RICH/ENTITLED person "KAREN" and I knew MURR takes great pride in his appearance and clothes. It had to be something geared toward that. But what?!
I can't drink but pretended to (blood thinner and all), so I'd buy drinks that my fiance would then finish. I actually had to go throw up once cause was nauseated the whole time. I barely ate besides few bites of pumpkin pie waffle fries that day. I was too scared. Too excited. Too anxious.
I then waited for my moment. My fiance commented he liked his shoes. And they are about the same size in clothing it seemed, overall. So I landed on that as my "in". But when would I get that moment?
He then started doing a Q & A drinking game where he drink it too embarrassed to answer a question. So the hands started going up. I raised mine a few times but was ignored for a bit. I finally got the guy's attention in front of me. (Sorry, I forgot your name. I was just too in the moment). AND HERE IT CAME. It was my IJ MOMENT!
I first acted like was drunk and trying to grasp what came of the question I asked. Murr was already getting offended it seemed from just that. I was like 'So I answer a question and you drink if what again? ' And he wouldn't even answer. Kept saying "What is this?" Looking around. The audience was making sighs and moans. Then he cuts me off before even answering or letting me get it out the rest of the question. The guy HANDED me the mic down from the stage, since he was standing above me. I read the room, and hurried it along. I said ok, ok. "I said you are quite successful now and buy anything you want." Or around that line. I then asked "How much did you pay for those shoes? Because they look like something RONALD MCDONALD would wear, like rainboots trying to look fancy." Or along that. I was so in the moment that the exact words of fleeting.
OMG. The room gasped. He immediately was rude and seemed offended and skipped over me without even answering. When this started they wanted that mic back and security came over patting my arm to stop and give the mic back or going escort me out. Security stood there the whole time acting like I just did something so evil and bad.
MURR then went on to answer a question about how much something costs at the wedding (over $30k whatever was) and laughed about someone asking him if liked anal sex. The crowd that booed me now laughed. And I was holding back wanting to cry, to run. #POP (POWER OF PERCEPTION))
They went on to make mean jokes about me for the rest of the show. One audience member yelled "Get her another drink. What is she wearing?" And the guy handed me the mic laughed and said "Yeah I am not going to say but will tell you guys after the show." Crowd cheered. But the biggest thing that got me was when that same guy with a mic referred me again for another joke down line. He looked right at me and said "Yeah this one here looks like someone says NWORD."
He made me seem racist to the whole room and I never once did a racist thing. Never even thought it. But he had. And it got worse for me after that. Everyone turned on me. I was astounded by the remark. I made a sarcastic look and looked at my fiance and said "Sure, I call him the NWORD all time. Pointing at my partner. It meant nothing and was just a remark back at him. Like IJ would do.
Then here came security right on the table by me. The waitress came with my check. Security stood there till I left. And people in the audience made hateful remarks, pushed me when leaving. I had done nothing that no one else in that room had done. And I was being escorted out. This was after my fiance paid over $100 in food and drinks, didn't really eat or drink, left a $30 tip. I paid close $300 for VIP passes and over $100 in MURR merch. Which we regret none that. It was a great show. Great service. And we are proud to support that!
But in the end. I came home and cried. It hurt my feelings. Yes.
And at end of the night, I felt like I did what I had set out. I had completed an IJ-style skit, MANDY-style, and I think I actually offended and convinced MURR. I was happy.
MURR, you sold me that anal bleaching kit when we met. I am now selling you my talents. HIRE ME MURR! I am willing to start anywhere. I will work my way up! I'll even run errands. Do we need to go to the shoe store? I am your gal! That chick that "Looks like she says N-Word!" A real KAREN!